Tire Change

So I was recently on the road, like you do. You know, doing road stuff, just like Mel Gibson. I was about five miles from my destination when a tire pressure warning light came on for one of my tires being slightly low. I thought to myself "Meh, I've been bad and haven't topped them off in a long time. Shouldn't be a big deal."

When I was done where I was, I got in my car to head to the hotel and the tire pressure was even lower. A slow leak, not cool. I stopped at a gas station on the way to the hotel and filled the tire back up. Two dollars for fucking air. Mel Brooks was right all along!

Shit this post is becoming all about Mels, gonna have to fix that.

In the morning after breakfast at the hotel I go out and check on the car. The tire is completely flat. That slow leak became a bigger problem even faster than Mel Tucker. Shit! I have the road side assistance through my insurance carrier, but I've had to use it in the past and it typically takes them over two hours to send someone out. I'm not interested in waiting, and I watched my dad change a tire 30 years ago. I should be able to figure it out, and if not there's always the internet, as a last resort I can always call the road side assistance.

So I pull everything out and get to work. I am in the process of pulling the flat tire off when a family leaving the hotel walks to the car next to mine and starts to load their car. I hear the wife tell her husband "You should go help him" to which he replied "But I don't know how." They finished loading their car and drove off without saying a word to me. A little rude, but I get it, if they couldn't help what would be the point in interrupting me?

I finished putting the boot on successfully, all off the memory of watching my dad 30 years ago. I was able to make it home to the funkyhouse safe and sound too. #lifecrafting #humblebrag

Now that I got the humble brag out of the way. During my drive home when I wasn't peeing my pants in existential dread of dying because I fucked up changing my tire, I was thinking about that nervous husband not knowing how to help. I get it, I am not a car guy, and I assume he wasn't either. But helping can be big and it can be small. Men are taught we have to be perfect in all things manly, so if our help can't be perfect we avoid the situation. That is just plain fucking stupid though.

I was there on my own, and while having to change a flat tire is never an ideal situation, I was pretty lucky. I had a backup plan. If that gentleman had come over and just said "I don't know how to help change a tire, but is there anything I could do to help?" man would that have been a boost for me. Why do we no longer help each other out? Is it because we are no longer taught how to do things like change a tire, balance a checkbook, or stroke my ego? Or is it because of rugged individualism?

I don't get the appeal of rugged individualism. Everyone has received help in the past. Everyone is receiving help in the present. Everyone will receive help in the future. So assclown, what the hell are you talking about with rugged individualism? Self reliance I can appreciate. Being able to change the tire is self reliance. Being able to recognize that you need help to change the tire is self reliance. Rugged individual just makes you sound like an ass.

Are you really trying to argue that your singular effort is more effective than the combined effort of society? Please don't act like you would not seek medical attention at a hospital when injured. Do you really think you can make better band-aids out of your uniquely exotic belly button lint? Shut up and help other people out. There are better uses for your uniquely exotic belly button lint that would actually help out society. Like giving it away as party favors, or knitting Donald Trump mittens for his tiny hands.

Remember you can do small things to help other people out. Give them a back rub or a taco. If you're out of tacos you can even help out by just giving them some encouragement. Most people don't receive enough encouragement in their lives. I'm not one of them because I'm awesome, but you get the idea. As the great Abraham Lincoln said "Be excellent to each other. And party on dudes!"

Take care, and funk on!