UPS

So this weekend while I was enjoying goose and squirrel time I noticed when I got our pizza that there was a UPS note underneath the door mat outside the door. Ohhh! My memory I thought! The note said it was left on the porch(or the deck I wasn’t sure) so I went outside, and walked all around my house, looking very carefully, but did not see a package. I even checked in the microwave on my front porch to no luck. So I called my roommates asked them if they had grabbed it. Nope they said. The note from UPS had no date or anything on it so I figured I’d give them a call.

Called them up, got their automated thing, which told me they had no info on that note, but to call back later or to check the website. Website said the same thing, but had a different number for customer service so I gave it a call. Got the same damned automated thing. After going through the entire menu trying to get a human I realized it had no option for a human. Aha! But I’m a sub-genius. I just kept giving the computer invalid requests until it blew up and gave me a human.

This is where it gets fun. I explain that I had found their note underneath my door mat and I’m expecting a package with some expensive computer equipment in it, and was scared someone might have grabbed it, and was wondering what day this had been left since it had no date on it, that the package was just left on the porch.

“They wouldn’t leave an infonotice if they left the package on the porch” she responded with confidence.

“Well then, where is the package? What day was it left?”

“Whats the number?” She asks.

I give her the number I’ll save you the boring details.

“I have no informatino on that infonotice. What day was it left?” She asks.

“I don’t know, thats why I asked you.”

“There should be a date written in ink at the top.” she states.

“The only thing written in ink is the checkmark next to porch.” I reply.

“Are you sure it is a UPS infonotice? She asks.

“Yes. It is brown and yellow and has your brown and yellow logo on it. What day was it left? If it was earlier in the month we’ll know it was for one of the packages already delivered.”

“I have no information on that infonotice.” she responds.

“You have no documentation stating this notice was left at my house?”

She then proceeds to ask me my address, type of house, the length of my left foot and various other peices of information we all know will get us nowhere.

“I have no information about an infonotice being left at that address.” She says.

A big round of nothing from that. I thanked her for her time and said I would check with the company shipping it to get the tracking number.

Turns out it hadn’t been shipped yet. But my memory was shipped today, scheduled to arrive on friday. My day off. Hooray! Memory abound!