You Have to be Fucking Kidding

So I was driving to the car dealership, like you do, to get my headlight cover replaced that appears to have fallen out from my car derby race from Albion to East Lansing Saturday night. Please note I never went above 45mph on 127.

So anyways, they didn’t have the part in for a 93 Izuzu Rodeo, why, I have no fucking clue. I mean you only see thousands of them driving on the road at all times. So they ordered it, said it would be in next week. I thanked them for taking my $60 dollars(That was gonna purchase my new video card) and headed out on my merry way.

Leaving their parking lot my mind melted into a liquid pool of goo, hardened and the exploded making quite the mess in the Red Roller. For in front of me on that oh so nice looking Xterra I saw a licence plate spawned by pure evil.

The licence plate number was “FREDM” from Virginia, it had a little graphic of a pentagon, with a US flag in it, and “9 – 11(Made out of the World Trade Center no less) – 01. Where the state logo usually goes it said “Fight Terrorism.” If only I had my digital camera on me.

How the bloody fuck are you fighting terrorism mr. asshat? By driving your SUV that gets EPA highway (mpg): 21 and EPA city (mpg): 16? My ancient SUV gets better millage than that, especially when I sit in my driveway and hold the gas petal down while it isn’t in gear for hours a day.

Or did some of the money spent buying that licence plate go to the war on terrorism? This isn’t WWII, the goverment doesn’t need more money to fight this war. They need asshats like you to grab an M4 and get blown up by Osama.

So to relieve my brain from the trauma it has taken, I decided to go to Crunchy's to grab a brew and a burger. I sat down at the bar and ordered. I was sipping my beer waiting for my burger to come when Wanky McWank sits down next to me. “Double vodka and tonic” he orders, and while the bartender is getting his drink he asks if there is somewhere he can plug his cellphone in so he can make some calls. Who the fuck are you Wanky McWank? You aren’t that important. You made one call to see where your buddy was so you wouldn’t be sitting at the bar alone like me. You received no calls. You aren’t important. If you don’t charge your phone overnight guess what? It will run out of power and you won’t be able to make any calls. The world will continue to lurch along while your cell phone is dead. Trust me.

So I shed a tear for Mr. McWank and his HORRIBLE life problems and ate my burger. It was medium, and had cheese and the rub on it. Good eats. I paid my tab and come home eager to share the days stupidities with you. Now I think I will curl up in the corner, masturbate, and weep for the future of this country.